Who wants the singing toy?

Last week, I started cleaning our messy room. Week-ends are the only time when I get chance to clean the room properly. Next day, room will be back to original status though :-).

While cleaning, I saw my beautiful singing toy. It has stopped singing as some part inside the toy was broken when we shifted our house. First let me tell you that I used to LOVE toys.. I had a huge collection of toys even when I didn't have a showcase to put them into. After marriage, more than my dresses, I had toys and books to be carried to my new house :-).

Almost 2-3 years back, I used to stay in a house with my friend Rohini. One fine day, Ro told me that her cousin sister was coming to our place if I don’t have any problem. They had a 12 yr young son who was getting treatment for his Brain tumor in Bangalore.

The first time I saw him, he wasn’t looking like a boy undergoing some treatment for a serious disease. Naveen had sharp eyes. By just looking at his face, no one would ever make out that he has such a big disease, except for the days on which, he got chemotherapy. It was really painful even to listen about the way his treatment was given. He used to look very matured than his elder brother. And.. after some time, he was able to take injections without a word and even advice the Nurses to pin the needle at right place :-(. He lost all his hair on the head and started wearing a cap when he used to go out. For more than a year and half, his parents struggled to bring their son to normal condition. But, nothing seemed to work out.

Last time I saw Naveen was almost 2 years back. I was busy in shopping and planning my marriage. My parents aren’t from Bangalore and my marriage was to happen at Bangalore. I had more responsibilities than just to be a ‘Bride’. I used to get tired with all activities like booking the hall, shopping, talking to cooking people etc. For a few days, Naveen was at our house for his treatment. He liked my singing toy very much. Other than me, no one at our home (his parents, Ro & her brother) liked toys. He loved pulling the string attached to the toy and listen to its music.. It used to be very melodious :-D. I used to make the toy sing once in morning and once before going to bed. It might sound silly.. but I loved to make the toy sing. After Naveen came to our house, he used to join me and we made the toy sing soooooooooo many times with all our “family members” opposition.

I had learnt “Aanknon me raho…” song from film ‘Company’ at that time. I liked that song very much and when ever I sang that song, I used to get totally involved. Naveen liked that song very much. Before they left our house, Navee wanted to listen to that song once. And.. due to some or the other work, all of us never sat together again and I couldn’t sing. I had plans to go to his house and gift him a singing toy. With the marriage etc.. I couldn’t meet him again.

After a few months, I got to know that Naveen is no more. Probably after that, my enthusiasm of collecting toys has comedown. When ever I see that singing toy, I feel that I could have given that toy to Naveen. I feel bad that I didn’t even sing “Aankhon me raho” song for him when he had asked for.

I cannot sing ‘Ankhon me raho…’ with that involvement.. . And my interaction with toys is also comparatively nil. May be its because, I am married and supposed to be “serious” .. etc… etc…

After all these I see a change in my view towards life. If something interests me, I would do it at that time than waiting for some “perfect day”. There may not be another day at all :-). And.. at any point of time, if I can be of help to anyone, bring smile on any one's face, I will try to do that. Ofcourse, we cannot do everything that makes others happy. But, for our loved and cared ones around, we should be able to do it.

And.. I understood that our priorities, likes and dislikes don’t remain the same throughout the life. It keeps changing with our age, situation etc. So, importance should be given to people and the relationships than to the “things” that might make us feel comfortable or happy.

I can buy another hundred singing toys today, but I will never be able to give them to Naveen. Now, I ask myself “Who wants the singing toy”?

Learning music… an endless process

I have this habit of starting something with great enthusiasm and then stop it due to my lazyness as well as lack of time. All of a sudden I remember the quote – “When is the last time that you did something for the first time?” and realize that I haven’t learnt a single song in last few months. Then start again..

My father was very passionate about Carnatic music. He had a great cassette collection of Shri. Yesudas’s concerts. He wanted me to learn classical music and I was not very inclined towards that. With his compulsion, I started learning classical music when I was 11.

While learning Carnatic classical music, there is one part called ‘Dhaatu varase’. For those who do not have an idea what it is, its logical combination of swaras (SA RI GA MA PA DA NI) missing a few in between. I am very bad at Mathematics and this permutation and combination.. I was really bad at. My music teacher used to try her level best to make me understand the logic behind Dhaatu varase and I used to make her fail :-( every time. Then, due to some reasons, I had to discontinue learning music. But with 2 or 3 years of learning, my voice was polished a little and I could catch the tunes faster, sing new songs that played on Radio, TV etc. With the kind of recognition I got out of singing – in School, College and Office, I was totally enthusiastic to learn more.. but I did not have opportunity till I started working.

Then, I joined music class run by Vidushi. Smt. Asha Jagadhish. She was very helping and supportive. She made me take up Carnatic Junior examination. She used to get up early and teach me at 5.00 AM as I had no time to attend classes other than morning hours. I could clear my Junior exam though I did not do very well. That is when, I realized that I have not learnt anything at all!!!

After the exams, I had to shift to some other place in Bangalore and due to my work pressure at office and responsibilities that I got through my marriage, I couldn’t attempt to continue my classes.

I cannot express how I feel when I really sing well and make the listener happy. It’s a wonderful feeling. It makes me feel recognized and worthy..

Now that we shifted our house near to Asha madam’s, I have re-started my music learning process. I got a gift of new MP3 Player from a friend who had been to US and I record what ever madam teaches in class (ofcourse with her permission) and keep listening. I do not find enough time to practice. She says I have to have more practice. Some day, I will dedicate all my energy on that. :-) Dont ask me "when".. Even I dont know that.

The work I do in office, shopping I make, New things learnt in cooking, The drawings I do… nothing makes me so happy than the happiness I get when I can sing what my ma’m teaches. Even in office, people have taken some initiative and there is a group of people who are interested in music. Few in the group play instruments, few sing Classical and few are into POP(??). It was nice to introduce myself to others by saying “I have learnt a little classical music and I love singing…”.

In past one and a half months time, I could attend only 5 classes. But, have not stopped it completely.. thatz the difference. What say??? So.. I'm doing something new.. learning something new :-).

My MP3 player is singing now.. I have to listen and memorize.. so.. thatz it for now. Will catch up later.